Challenge in the Rain

Why am I feeling like this. I feel little bits of sadness setting in slowly into me. The feeling of lonliness, which is so sudden. I should feel happier than this for this period right? This special period of mine. That's really weird. Still, it is so clear that I will be facing don't what shit again. Oh, I thought I had just gotten out of that turmoil. The frequent raining these days have made more intense. The little bits accumulating, forming into a stronger source that will not be easily gotten rid of.

There's another one thing that has been in my mind. It's about Leandro. He seems to have prepared things for me from London and also have plan for my celebration when he comes back, which will be today. I should feel honoured and grateful, but I'm not. All this period, I have always been feeling like doing my duty whenever I'm with him. A feeling like repaying all the things he had done for me. I don't feel attached, no I'm not. I will be so bad if I decide to cancel all that he had planned for me. On the other hand, I will be wasting his time and my energy if I just keep quiet and go on like this. Oh... I really think i should feel happier around this time.

I don't blame anyone or anything, even that there's always this something in my mind. I will not say and I will not wish for anything, because I know fate decides it all. I think this is just me. The typical me. Everyone around me seems to have something in their mind, taxing them. In this point of time, I wish them all the best dealing with the inevitable challenges ahead. As for me, this old box seems not to be able to hold me for long. Where can i find my reliable and willing box. I can't stay for long.

I still think I should feel happier...it's raining outside. It's my kind of whether.