So indirectly So unwillingly

Today I was laughing away in the canteen during break. Laughed and laughed, until My tears dropped. My classmates thought that I'm crazy again, laughing over small jokes or may not even be jokes. That was so indirect, which I never thought I would be experiencing. I couldn't hold on and I needed to let my tears go. I didn't want people to see me breaking down, and so I was there using the jokes as a cover up, a cover up to my urge to cry. I laughed and cried, laughed and cried, for the whole break. Until I reached my class, still laughing and crying, Tessa noticed and see me throughly. My intention was exposed throughly by her. That made me wanted to cry more. Jokes, tears. How weird it is to break down in such a way. So unwilling to expose yourself to others. So indirect in releasing yourself. That may be because I knew I shouldn't cry at the first place. Who am I to cry for such things. Like I'm really so crucial. My conscious told me not to, but I just couldn't take the situation. To think of it, I suddenly realised how vunerable I am, and I am not that independent actually. I need the people I need. Those important ones. Like I would just fall if any of them disappeared. I need them, but I'm currently missing one, one important soul.

Ha ha! Kinda feel funny now that I actually broke down through jokes. How odd and stupid of me. I . . . . . . . . . . .I don't know. . . . . . . . . . .Hope these important souls will always be around me. I just wish time could past fast and get all thos sickening exams out of sight. I need comfort, I need you. Cos I"m single!!! (not so bad if I'm attached) Haha. Trying to convince myself.